


Blame the Wind

by Elise_Madrid



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-30
Updated: 2013-05-30
Packaged: 2017-12-13 10:37:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/823326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elise_Madrid/pseuds/Elise_Madrid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk and Spock are summoned to Starbase Two for an unpleasant but necessary duty: a legal hearing to determine Janice Lester’s fate – a trip that will have far-reaching consequences for their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blame the Wind

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published in T’hy’la 32. Winner of a 2013 Fan Q Award.

“It’s your move, Spock.”

Spock looked up from his study of the tri-di chess board. An eyebrow lifted.

Kirk grinned. He knew he’d have his friend checkmated in two moves. As far as he could see, there was no way out of the trap he’d set.

After a few more moments of contemplation, Spock reached over and tipped his king. “It is your game, Captain.”

“Care for another?” Kirk asked as he reset the pieces.

“That would be acceptable. As we are off duty rotation for the next twenty-four hours, I need not be concerned that you will not receive your required amount of sleep.”

“Oh, I doubt I’ll be the one losing any sleep over our matches tonight.”

Spock gave him a blank stare. It was an expression Kirk had come to translate into Spock’s ‘I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that’ look. Without missing a beat, he finished resetting the game and then sat back in his chair, his drink in his hand. It was Spock’s turn to be white, so while he decided on his move Kirk took the opportunity to do some Spock watching. It was something he’d been doing a lot of recently.

Well, maybe not just recently. He’d always enjoyed watching his friend. Spock’s movements were always so precise, so sure, as if each motion had been thought out and pre-planned, especially when it came to his hands.

Often, though usually when they were on the bridge, Kirk had caught himself watching Spock at his work. Spock’s hands would dance over his board, his long fingers reaching out to lightly touch the controls of the computer. There was something almost... sensual in the way Spock manipulated the myriad knobs and buttons.

Sort of like now. Taking a drink, Kirk peered over his glass as Spock reached for one of his pawns. With a smooth and precise movement, he picked it up, his fingers tapering away from the small piece, and placed it on the next level.

Setting his glass on the desk, Kirk moved forward and was about to make his own move when the shrill whistle of the intercom interrupted him.

“Bridge to Captain Kirk.”

With a sigh, Kirk turned and flipped on the intercom switch.

“Kirk here.”

“Lieutenant Palmer, sir. A message for you just came in from Starbase Two.”

“Send it to my quarters, Lieutenant.”

“Very well, sir.”

“I wonder what they want,” Kirk muttered under his breath. He and Commodore Potter, the officer in charge of the base, had known each other for years, but an unexpected call from a starbase did not usually bode well.

When the face of Commodore Potter appeared on the screen, Kirk knew the news wasn’t going to be good.

“Captain Kirk.” The commodore sat at this desk, the window behind him revealing a backdrop of stars. He didn’t look happy.

“Commodore.” Kirk nodded. “How can I be of service?”

“It’s regarding Dr. Lester.”

Kirk grimaced. He’d thought them done with her. “Is there a problem?”

Potter ran a hand through his hair. His dark shock of normally well-groomed hair showed signs of previous manhandling.

Kirk almost smiled. It was a nervous habit that Potter had tried unsuccessfully to break for years. “Come on, Tom. It couldn’t be all that bad.”

“I hope you still think that after you hear what it’s about.” His fingers tapped nervously on his desk for a moment before he continued. “Lester’s doctors have decided that they need more information.”

“Our reports were pretty thorough. What more information could they possibly need?”

“They mentioned a couple of things, but they’re particularly interested in the mental connection between you and your first officer.”

Kirk shot a look at Spock, whose surprise was noted with the lift of both eyebrows.

“I don’t understand. What’s that got to do with Doctor Lester?”

Potter shook his head. “I don’t know, but they want the two of you at their next meeting. They seem to think that they can’t make a final decision on her disposition until they hear from you.”

“Can’t we just talk to them over the terminal?”

“I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way, Jim. You’re talking about a formal hearing. They don’t want any mistakes made, and you know as well as I do that there’s nothing quite like a face to face conversation. Besides, it shouldn’t take more than a couple of days. And just to ease the pain, I’ll treat you to a home-cooked meal.”

“You will or Dina will?” Kirk had known the future Mrs. David Potter back when they’d served on the _Republic_ together. He’d been surprised when she’d left the service to marry the somewhat older man.

Potter grinned. “We’re one and the same, didn’t you know that?”

“Yeah, and I’ve never been able to figure out what she sees in you.”

“Truth be told, neither have I.” Potter’s look became serious. “So, are you going to be okay with this? I know dredging up what happened—”

“It’s all right, David, I’ll be fine. When do you need us there?”

“The hearing is set for three days from now. It might be a good idea for you to get here a day early, though. That will give you time to go over what’s gone on so far. The woman’s become a real hot potato. People are wondering how Starfleet could have ever let her into the Academy and then not see how disturbed she really was.”

“She fooled a lot of us,” Kirk ruefully replied. And he’d almost lost his life because of it. He gave himself a mental shake and pushed the thought to the back of his mind. “I’ll make the arrangements and see you in a couple of days.”

“I’ll let the doctors know. See you soon, Jim.”

The screen went dark. Kirk turned and looked at Spock.

“Just great. I didn’t think there was anything that would make me miss patrol duty. But I suppose it has to be done.”

“The starbase is less than twelve point seven hours away by shuttlecraft. Do you wish me to see to its preparation?”

“In a minute.” Kirk flipped on the intercom. “Kirk to bridge.”

“Scott here, sir.”

“Scotty, Mister Spock and I will be leaving by shuttle tomorrow at...” He turned and gave Spock an inquiring look.

“Nineteen hundred hours.”

“At nineteen hundred hours for Starbase Two. We’ll be gone for at least three days, so I’m leaving you in charge.”

“The ship could get you there in no time, sir.”

“No, there’s no need to disrupt the ship’s schedule. Besides, I’m not positive how long we’ll need to be there; it could take longer than anticipated. Just continue on our set patrol area and we’ll catch up with you.”

“Has the base been notified of your time of arrival?”

“Not the specific time, no. Spock’s just input the information, so have Lieutenant Palmer contact them with our flight plan. Oh, and, Scotty, while she’s at it have her reserve our accommodations.”

“Aye, sir. We’ll see to it.”

Kirk could hear his engineer relay his message, but Palmer’s reply wasn’t clear. Nor was Scotty’s, the engineer’s voice barely audible.

“What’s wrong with this thing? Scotty, what’s going on?”

“Sorry, Captain, just a bit of a misunderstanding. Lieutenant Palmer wasn’t sure about your accommodations, but there’s nothing to worry about, sir, I know exactly what needs to be done. There’ll be no problems regarding, well, regarding your situation. Scott out.”

Kirk frowned. “My situation? What the hell does that mean?”

“Unknown. Mr. Scott’s conversations can be quite obscure when he sets his mind to it.”

“I know, but he sounded almost embarrassed.”

“Perhaps Mister Scott was hesitant to ask Lieutenant Palmer to take on the role of your yeoman,” Spock responded was a slight sardonic edge.

“Well, maybe if I had a yeoman....”

Spock rose. “You do appear to have a propensity for—”

“Running them off?” Kirk responded as he stood and walked Spock to the door.

“I was going to say acquiring yeomen who wish to quickly advance.”

Kirk chuckled. “I have a feeling it’s the same thing.”

The doors slid open at their approach. Kirk faced his friend.

“Don’t stay up too late working on the shuttle.”

“I will stay only long enough to ascertain its flight readiness.”

“Good. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day.” He placed his hand on Spock’s shoulder and gently squeezed. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Spock bowed his head and graced Kirk with a small smile. “Have a good night, Captain.”

“You, too, Spock.”

Kirk watched his friend walk away and then reentered his cabin. He pulled off his shirt as he headed for his bathroom and tugged off first one boot than the other, maintaining a precarious balancing act along the way. When he almost fell, his wildly reaching for the edge of his desk the only thing saving him, he cursed aloud and almost threw his boot across the room.

Damn it. He took a deep breath. He hadn’t let on, but this upcoming trip to Starbase Two was really bothering him. He wasn’t looking forward to being anywhere near Janice Lester. His only consolation was that he didn’t have to go alone.

With a resigned sigh, he entered the bathroom and finished undressing. A long, hot shower is what he needed to work out the tension. Too bad he hadn’t asked Spock for a quick massage. There was nothing quite like those long, Vulcan fingers, digging into his back and shoulders, to work out the kinks.

Standing underneath the hot cascade, his mind slipped back into thoughts of his friend. After a moment, he reached down and unconsciously flipped the water to cold.

~~~~~

“You sure you’re going to be okay?”

Kirk turned around from where he’d been stowing his things in the shuttle and gave McCoy a sour look. If he was asked that question one more time, the person stood a very good chance of being decked.

“For the last time, yes, I’m perfectly fine with this.”

“Because if you’re not, I could talk to the head of the medical review board,” McCoy responded, as if he hadn’t heard a word Kirk said.

“And tell him what? That your captain is incapable of standing up to an old girl friend?”

“It’s more than that and you know it.” McCoy glanced over to where Spock was busy testing the controls. “How many times does he think he has to check everything?”

Kirk looked fondly at his first officer. “He’s just being thorough.”

“Thorough, that’s Spock, all right, thorough enough that his statement alone should be enough to satisfy the board. Come on, Jim, Dr. Carmichael’s an old friend of mine. I’m sure if I explained the situation to him, he’d allow you to give a recorded statement.”

“What ‘situation’?”

“You know damn well what situation. Don’t act as if having your mind ripped right out of your skull and placed in a woman’s body and her mind put in yours wasn’t about the strangest thing you’ve ever been through. Not to mention having to have Spock meld with you in front of the guard. Why, the whole thing had to have been mighty upsetting—for both of you.” McCoy shuddered dramatically. “Would have been for me.”

“We’ve been over this before. Spock did what he had to do, for which I’ll be eternally grateful. Yes, it was... unsettling for both of us, but we’ve been through worse.”

“That true, Spock? Having your captain’s body hijacked and the ship almost taken over by a certifiable crazy isn’t the worst thing that ever happened to you?”

Spock turned in his chair and regarded McCoy quizzically. “If by your question you mean for me to compare the incident with Dr. Lester to previous ones and concur with your statement, I must disappoint you. Within the last three years, to name but a few incidences, the captain has had an exact duplicate of himself created, been split into two identities by the transporter, given the appearance of aging by radiation, lent his body to an disembodied entity, subjected to the tears of the Dohlman of Elaas, been trapped in interdimensional space, and accelerated by the Scalosians. I, on the other hand, have been exposed to the symbiotic spores on Omicron Ceti III, infected by the parasitic creates on Deneva, also aged by radiation, and had my brain removed. So, while the episode with Dr. Lester was most disagreeable, I cannot in all honesty regard it as the worst.”

With a tight nod, he turned back to his work.

“I think he answered your question,” Kirk remarked while trying desperately not to laugh.

“Yeah, yeah, make a joke out of it. But I’m still of the mind that the two of you are just sweeping this all under the rug.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Bones, other than that we’ve both dealt with it and are ready to move on.”

McCoy threw up his hands. “Fine, I’m just your doctor, what do I know? Are you leaving soon?”

“Just as soon as Spock’s finished.” Kirk glanced toward the front of the shuttle, squinting as he tried to make out the time on the instrument panel. “Probably in about ten, fifteen minutes.”

“Well, then I’ll leave you two to finish up.” McCoy patted Kirk on the back and then turned to exit the shuttle. He stopped just outside its doors. “Watch out for each other, okay?”

“Don’t we always?” Kirk responded with a smile.

McCoy only nodded and waved as the shuttle door quietly closed.

~~~~~

Kirk woke with a start, momentarily disoriented by the unfamiliar surroundings. He sat up as memory returned. The shuttlecraft. The long hours of their flight to Starbase Two had begun to drag and, after a bit of coaxing from Spock, he’d given in and gone to lie down. Through the doorway, he could see his science officer still at the controls, though the only light was that given off by the control panel.

Getting to his feet, Kirk visited the head to empty his bladder and then wash his hands and face. He exited the small stall and made his way to the front of the shuttlecraft.

“How long was I asleep?” Kirk asked as he took the seat next to Spock.

“Five hours, twenty-three minutes.”

“We should be there soon, then.”

“I would approximate thirty seven point five minutes.”

“Approximate? You’re slipping, Spock.”

“Because of the relatively small size of the planetoid on which the starbase is built, and its close proximity to Planet Q, fluctuations in its position make an exact arrival time impossible to calculate.”

“I should have known. I’m sorry for doubting you.”

Spock nodded, silently accepting the apology. Still, Kirk was more than aware of the smile that touched his friend’s lips. It lifted his spirits, and for not the first time it made him glad that Spock was with him. He believed what he had told McCoy; he had moved on from what had happened. But that didn’t mean he was looking forward to the coming ordeal—and he had no illusions that what lay ahead wasn’t going to be an ordeal. Having Spock at his side would make it a lot easier to bear.

“You appear... distracted.”

Kirk nodded, a bit shamefaced. “I know I shouldn’t let this get to me, but I’m not looking forward to the next few days.”

“You could not be blamed for your misgivings. What Dr. Lester did was unconscionable. Whatever negative feelings you may hold for her, she more than deserves.”

“I’m a bit surprised to hear you say that. Glad, but still surprised.”

Spock remained silent for a moment, compressing his lips in a way that told Kirk he was mulling over what he was going to say.

“For what she did,” Spock finally said, “I could not but desire the harshest of sentences. She attempted to not only take your position, but your very life and in the most insidious way possible. She meant to leave you with less than nothing. For that, I cannot find it in myself to forgive her.”

“Spock—”

“No, Captain, I have given the subject a great deal of thought. I am well aware that my... feelings in this matter are not logical. Logically, Dr. Lester would deserve no more than my regret at the destruction of such a fine career, at the loss of a productive member of society to madness. But I cannot forget what she did to you. Because I cannot forget, I find that I cannot forgive.”

Kirk studied his friend. “I could almost imagine that you hate her more than I do. It’s funny,” he added after a moment. “At first, all I felt was pity. She had let jealousy and hate eat away at her until there was practically nothing left. But the more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened to me if she had succeeded.” He suppressed a shudder. “Because of what she’d done, even if she hadn’t managed to kill me I would have been locked away, condemned to live out my life as a prisoner. Not just in a cell, but locked away in a body that wasn’t mine. I would have been all alone, with no way out.”

“No,” Spock responded adamantly. “Never alone. I knew who you were. I would never have allowed them to confine you.”

“What could you have done?”

“I do not know, but I would have found a way to free you.”

Kirk would have given anything to be able to show his friend just how much those words meant to him, to be able to enfold Spock in his arms and just hold him until the vision of what might have been melted away. Instead, he reached over and clasped Spock’s arm. “Let’s just be glad it never came to that.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Spock nodded.

They both seemed willing to let the matter drop after that. Kirk certainly was. They would have the next three days to think and wonder and relive those harrowing days. It would come soon enough.

~~~~~

“Kirk, Captain James Kirk.” Kirk stood casually against the counter as the hotel clerk pulled up his name on his computer. Beside him, Spock appeared absorbed by the ebb and flow of people in and out of the establishment.

“I didn’t realize they’d be this busy,” Kirk commented to his friend.

Spock turned to him but it was the clerk who responded.

“There’s a medical convention going on about a block from here. Every hotel on the base is probably booked solid. Ah,” he looked up at Kirk and smiled. “A one-room suite was reserved in your name. If I could have your credit chip...”

Kirk handed it over with a frown. “One room?”

“Yes,” the clerk glanced back at his screen. “That’s correct. Placed by a... Lieutenant Palmer, _U.S.S. Enterprise._ ”

“Is there a problem, Captain?” Spock asked.

“No,” Kirk replied, somewhat hesitantly. “Not if it’s not for you. But I know you prefer privacy for your meditation.”

“Your presence would never be of concern.”

“Oh... okay.” Kirk couldn’t keep the grin from his face as he turned to the desk clerk. “We’ll take it.”

“Very good, sir.” The clerk handed Kirk back his credit chip, along with a door key. “Room 307. The elevator is to your right.”

“Thanks. Come on, Spock.”

Kirk gathered his friend and led him to the bank of elevators. A crowded ride later, the desk clerk hadn’t been kidding about the hotel being completely booked, they exited and looked around for their room. They found it at the end of a short hallway.

“Nice,” Kirk remarked as he opened the door and entered. On the other side of the small entry was a bright and airy bathroom; to his right, the entry opened up into a spacious sleeping area. He walked further in and stopped.

There was only one bed.

“Okay, now things are getting weird.” Kirk slowly lowered his bag before approaching the bed. “This has got to have been a mistake.”

Spock had followed him in and now stood in front of one of the windows set in the wall at the opposite end of the room.

“Perhaps this was the only room available.” He pulled the drape aside. “It has an excellent view. Because the base spreads out in many directions, much like a spider’s web, the odds were in our favor that our room would possess a window.”

“Who cares about the window? It only has one bed.”

Spock let the curtain fall back into place and turned to face Kirk. “You appear upset.”

“I’m not upset. It’s just that...”

“You are concerned about the sleeping arrangements.”

“Aren’t you?”

“Why should I be?”

“Because it’s...it’s...” He glared at Spock. “You’re a Vulcan!”

“Yes, I am aware of that fact, but I do not understand why that should be a cause of distress.” Spock hesitated and then straightened his stance. “If you object to sharing a bed—”

“Of course I don’t object. Spock, It’s just that... well, I know you’re not comfortable being that close to another person.”

“Captain—Jim, have you not perceived that any discomfort I may have once experienced when in close physical proximity to you I relinquished long ago?”

“Are you sure, Spock?” Kirk asked. He wasn’t completely sure of his own feelings regarding sharing a bed with Spock, but right now he was more concerned with how this would affect his friend. Yes, they were close, but, for a man, sharing a bed was, well, intimate, no matter the circumstances. He, himself, hadn’t shared a bed with another male since childhood.

Spock tilted his head. “You do not snore or kick, do you?”

Kirk smothered a smile. “No, I don’t snore or kick.”

“Then it should not be a problem.” Spock walked over to where he’d left his suitcase. He retrieved it and approached the highboy next to the bed. He opened up his bag and began to empty its contents. “I will, nevertheless, insist on the top drawers.”

“Fine, they’re yours. While you’re doing that, I’m going to take a quick shower,” Kirk said as he started toward the bathroom, grabbing his bag along the way. He stopped at the doorway. “You up for breakfast? I’d like to find somewhere to eat after we’re done here.”

“That would be agreeable.”

“You’re not sleepy, are you?” While Kirk had made use of the bed in the shuttle, Spock had spent the entire time at the controls.

“I am not in need of sleep at this time.”

“Great.” Kirk turned and entered the bathroom.

He hurried through his shower, he was hungry, and threw on a casual pair of trousers and a light cotton shirt. He rarely got to wear civilian clothes so, until he had to don it again, his uniform was going to stay in the closet. When he stepped out, Spock had completed his task and was ready for his own shower. Kirk spent the time by putting his own things away.

The sound of the door opening made him turn. Kirk shook his head and grinned. “Mr. Spock, you look like a million bucks.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You look great.” He studied the deep navy tunic and pants. They were cut to fit, and they fit perfectly, accenting the narrowness of Spock’s hips while broadening the look of his chest and shoulders. “I don’t remember ever seeing that particular outfit, though.”

“You have not. It is a recent gift from my mother.”

“She has great taste. And speaking of taste,” Kirk walked over and opened the outer door. “Come on, there’s a steak with my name on it just waiting for me.”

Kirk could tell it had taken all of Spock’s willpower to not respond to that statement.

~~~~~

Spock folded his napkin over his plate. “That was an excellent meal. I applaud your choice of establishments.”

“I’m glad you like it. When I was a lieutenant I had a few days to kill between assignments, not enough time to go anywhere else but yet plenty of time to wander around the base. I found this place on my second day here and it became my favorite place to eat. I haven’t had a bad meal yet.” Pleasantly full, he’d foregone the steak and settled for bacon and eggs. Kirk reached for his coffee and settled back in his chair. “Do you have any idea as to what you’d like to do? We’ve got all day.”

“I believe there is a large collection of pre-colonization artifacts on display in the main administration complex that I would very much like to peruse.”

“Artifacts? From where?”

“Several colonies have donated pieces, though the bulk of the collection comes from Alpha V and New Paris since there were more and larger sites found on both those planets to be excavated.”

“I’ve always wondered what it would be like, to come from a world that used to belong to someone else.”

“In a sense, that is what your forebears did when they settled the Americas. The difference being that the original inhabitants were still there.”

“I hadn’t thought about it, but I suppose you’re right. I remember as a kid finding a couple of old arrow heads along the river that flows near our farm. I tried to imagine what the area might have been like all those centuries before.”

“And could you?”

“I thought so at the time,” Kirk recalled. “But I’d been influenced too much by what I’d read to not have an overly romantic idea of what the place had been like. Years later, I learned that life was rather harder for them than I would have wanted to reenact.”

“So it was on Vulcan. Though we have foresworn that way of life, pre-reform Vulcan has been highly romanticized.”

Kirk chuckled. “It sounds as if little boys are the same all over.”

“So my mother has proclaimed.”

Spotting their waiter, Kirk waived him down. “Speaking of mothers, I hope this collection makes it to Earth. I’m sure my mother would love to see it,” he remarked as he signed off on their bill.

“The collection will be making stops at most of the Federation’s member planets. It is most fortuitous that it is here at this time.”

“The collection it is, then.” Kirk quickly finished off the rest of the coffee, and then with a nod to Spock stood up. “No time like the present. Do you know where this place is?”

“It is not far from here. Perhaps a twenty minute walk to the closest transport station.”

They exited the restaurant and made their way down the concourse, taking a leisurely path past the shops and eating establishments that had sprouted up in this part of the starbase. Eventually, they reached the magnitrain that would take them to the next area of the base. After a short ride, they were let out right in front of their destination.

“The courthouse is point seven miles to the right,” Spock noted as they disembarked.

Kirk glanced over. “At least we’ll know how long it’s going to take us to get here in the morning. As much as I’m not looking forward to it, I doubt they’d appreciate us being late.”

“No doubt.”

With a wry grin, Kirk led his friend up the wide steps that fronted the building. Once inside, they signed out an info-pad and, following its instructions, began their tour by entering the room on the left.

“Wow.” Kirk stopped at the doorway. The room was huge, at least half the size of the shuttlebay on the _Enterprise._

“Indeed.” Spock turned on the info-pad. “These are the artifacts from New Paris. Estimates are that the civilization that once flourished there died out approximately three millennia ago. The collection begins with the oldest pieces, which are five thousand years older.”

Kirk walked over to the first case. Beneath the glass, bits of glass and a type of plastic had been pieced together to form everyday household items. “Do they know what the people looked like?”

“They were humanoid, with some superficial differences. The planet is comparable in many ways to Earth, which is what made it an ideal place for colonization.” Spock scrolled through more of the information. “There are images of some of the original inhabitants further on.”

They took their time, knowing that there was no need to rush. As they slowly perused each item, listening through the lectures available at some of the exhibits, and following along on the info-pad, Kirk found a real delight in spending the day in such a way with his friend. There was a serenity to Spock that wasn’t apparent on the ship, as if he had put down the facade of first officer-science officer to allow Kirk to see the person he was away from the decorum of the service. It was a part of his friend he rarely had the opportunity to see and he reveled in it.

“Spock, look at this.”

Kirk’s eye had been caught by a small window set in the center of a blank wall. Within, a tri-di interpretation of the planet’s history played out. He felt Spock come up next to him and he sidled over slightly to allow his friend room to view the display.

“Fascinating.”

“Isn’t it? I didn’t realize that they think there may have been a physical reason for the civilization coming to an end.”

“There appears to be some evidence, though not conclusive, that either a comet or small asteroid hit the planet’s moon.”

“Well, as I live and breathe, Jim Kirk.”

Kirk looked up in surprise. The speaker stood about five feet away from them. The shock of red hair and startling green eyes made it impossible for Kirk not to know who this was.

“Don, what are you doing here?” Kirk approached the man, his hand out.

The man laughed and, ignoring the outstretched hand, pulled Kirk into an enthusiastic hug, engulfing him with his height and much larger frame. “Just taking a bit of shore leave. What about you?” he asked after stepping back.

“Ship’s business.” Kirk saw no reason to elaborate. “God, it’s been what? Twelve, thirteen years?”

“There about. You were on your way to serve on the _Republic,_ if I recall rightly, while I had been given the dubious honor of staying on as an instructor.”

“I thought I’d heard you landed on the _Yorktown._ ”

“Yeah, finally made it—and not above bragging about being in line for First.” He glanced at Spock and then back at Kirk, a question in his eyes. “And this is?”

“I’m sorry,” Kirk turned and motioned Spock over. “Spock, meet Don Stephenson, an old buddy from the Academy. Don, my first officer, Mr. Spock.”

“It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Spock. I’ve heard so much about you—all good, of course.”

Spock nodded his head. “The honor is mine, Mr. Stephenson.”

“Spock is also my science officer, Don.”

“Don’t I know it. You’ve set the bar extremely high for the rest of us, Mr. Spock.” Stephenson turned to Kirk. “But then you always insisted on the best.”

“Why not, if you can get it?” Kirk looked at Spock fondly. “And I have.”

“Can’t say I wasn’t a bit surprised when I heard, though.”

Kirk gave him a quizzical look. “Why’s that?”

“I don’t know. I suppose everyone figured the two of you would be like oil and water.” Stephenson chuckled. “But then you were never known as the type to take the easy way. Have to say, it certainly seems to be working for you.”

“The captain and I have an extremely productive and satisfying work relationship,” Spock said.

“I’m sure you do. Like I said, Jim always demands the best—in everything.” Stephenson glanced at the chronometer set high on one of the walls. “I better get going. I’m supposed to be meeting someone for lunch.”

“Anyone I know?” Kirk asked.

“As a matter of fact, yes. Shirley Pierson. She was a couple of years behind us at the Academy.”

“Light brown hair, tiny, smart as a whip?”

“That’s the one. We’ve been seeing each other for about six months now.”

“Congratulations, but talk about contrasts. You must have a good foot and a hundred pounds on her.”

“Like they say, opposites attract. You should know, Jim. Well, I’m off.” He grabbed Kirk in another quick hug and gave Spock a wave. “It was great seeing you again, and meeting you, Mr. Spock. Maybe next time we can spend some time catching up on old times.”

“I wonder what he meant by that,” Kirk mused as he watched his friend hurry from the room.

“To what do you refer?” Spock asked.

“That crack about me knowing about opposites attracting.”

“I assume he was present during many of your associations. Perhaps he felt that some of the women you spent time with were your polar opposite in regards to temperament.”

“I suppose. Still, it was a weird thing to say. I guess that’s just Don.”

“Mr. Stephenson is quite... an enthusiastic individual.”

“He was always like that. It felt like you’d been through a tornado after spending any time with him. I hate to say it, but I’m kind of glad he had other plans.”

“Indeed.” Spock looked toward the next exhibit. “Shall we continue?”

Kirk nodded and waved with him onward. “After you, Mr. Spock.”

~~~~~

Kirk flipped through the material, becoming more agitated the more he read. Impossible as it was to believe, there was an actual possibility that Janice Lester might go free.

He looked up at Spock. The Vulcan knelt on the other side of the bed, deep in meditation. They wouldn’t be going out again. Dinner had been in the hotel restaurant, and they had decided to stay in for the rest of the night. As soon as they’d come up, Spock had taken a shower and then settled into his position on the floor. Kirk watched his friend for several minutes and then smiled warmly. It still amazed him how just being with Spock while he meditated was enough to calm his own nerves. They certainly needed calming now.

Free Lester. He couldn’t for a minute imagine why anyone would even think of doing that, much less how they thought they could manage it. Disregarding what she had tried to do to him, the woman had killed several people. With a snort of disgust, Kirk tossed the report on the table and took a healthy swallow of the brandy he’d poured for himself. 

He remembered the first time he’d met her. He’d only been at the Academy a short while, and the young girl with the fiery personality and sharp wit had attracted him instantly. It occurred to him that maybe that’s what Don had been talking about; the way Kirk had been then, so earnest and intent on his studies, he and Janice had indeed been polar opposites. Even Gary had warned him off of her, no matter that he had been constantly on Kirk about getting out more.

_“She’ll eat you alive, Jim. Get out while you still can.”_

More than once, as the relationship soured and then spiraled down into a living hell, Kirk had wished that he’d heeded Mitchell’s words. Thinking back, it was plain to see that the seed that had blossomed into the mad rage of the present had been there even then. She’d made his life a living hell, and by the time he’d managed to extricate himself from the affair he was ready to give up on women completely.

Then Ruth had come into his life.

Kirk closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the chair. Ruth had been everything Janice hadn’t: serene, carefree, and wanting only as much as Kirk was willing to give her. Seven years older than him, she soothed his ruffled ego and gave him the space he needed to get his life back in order. Then, as suddenly as she had appeared, she was gone. He often wondered what had become of her.

“Captain.”

Kirk sat up and opened his eyes. “Hi, care to join me in a drink?” He lifted the bottle of brandy in question.

Spock rose from his place on the floor and approached Kirk. “That would be acceptable.” Taking the chair across from Kirk, he noted the file. “Did you find it troubling?”

“I did, actually, but how did you know?”

“You appear... disturbed.”

Kirk took another sip of brandy. “It’s dredged up a lot of bad memories, memories I thought I’d dealt with months ago.”

“Concerning Dr. Lester?”

“Partly, but also...” he hesitated, not sure if this was something Spock would be interested in hearing.

“Also?”

“It’s only recently occurred to me that being with Janice may have affected me more than I was willing to admit. You remember Ruth, don’t you?”

“Though I never had the opportunity to meet the lady, yes, I remember the manifestation of your memories of her quite well.”

Kirk airily waved his hand around. “That part isn’t important, but I always wondered why I had picked her, of all the women I’d known, to appear to me on that planet. I’m beginning to think I know why. Counting her replicant, both times she’s come into my life when I really needed someone to focus on me, without demands or needs of their own. Unfortunately, it seems to have created a pattern.”

“Regarding your relationship with women.”

Kirk looked over in surprise. Spock had made a statement, not asked a question. “Have I been so obvious?”

Spock hesitated before responding. “I have noted that your relationships with women are transitory and somewhat... shallow.”

Kirk nodded. “I’ve always used the excuse that my career came first, that I couldn’t ask a woman to stay behind while I was off exploring the universe. But I think it goes a lot deeper than that. I think I started seeing any need in a woman as something to be avoided, a knee-jerk reaction to what I’d gone through with Janice. Ruth set the pattern for what I wanted. But, by going to the other extreme, I made sure there could be no room for commitment.”

“You needed time to heal.”

“I suppose, though it certainly took long enough.”

“Knowing what you now know, do you feel you will be more accepting of a relationship that includes commitment?”

“I don’t know. I’d like to think so,” Kirk responded around a yawn.

“Perhaps this is a conversation best left for another day. The hour is late and we should prepare for tomorrow.”

“You’re right, of course.” Kirk stood up and stretched. “I’m going to take a quick shower. You can go ahead and turn off the light. I think I can manage with what’s coming in through the drapes.”

“As you wish.”

Kirk retrieved his nightwear from the bureau and headed for the bathroom. He showered, brushed his teeth and, though he normally slept in the nude, donned the lightweight pajama bottom he’d brought along. He opened the door and turned off the light.

The drapes had been pushed to one side, so a soft glow permeated the room through the bared window. With just enough light to see by, Kirk made his way over to the bed and quickly slipped beneath the covers.

He lay on his back, wide awake. Next to him, Spock appeared to have already fallen asleep, his chest gently rising and falling in a slow rhythm. Though there was a good two feet of space between them, Kirk was hyperaware of the heat emanating from Spock’s body. Giving himself a mental shake, Kirk stared at the ceiling and tried not to think about it.

After about fifteen minutes, he gave up. He turned on his side and faced the window. If he couldn’t ignore it, he might as well tackle it head on. Why was sleeping with Spock such a problem for him? He certainly couldn’t blame it on Spock’s sensibilities on the subject, because his friend didn’t seem to have any. He appeared completely unconcerned, as if sleeping together was something they did every day instead of something they’d never done.

A blast of wind sent a veil of dust skittering by the window, diluting the light from without. This planetoid was devoid of life, probably the reason the starbase had been built here in the first place, so it was a stark and forlorn landscape that reached beyond the window. Yet Spock had deemed it excellent. Kirk studied the vast stretch of dirt and rock. He didn’t see anything excellent about it. More than anything, it made him feel cold.

Unconsciously, he moved a little closer to Spock, suddenly glad for the warmth. Kirk smiled. Isn’t that what he always felt from Spock? Warmth, and a secure knowledge that his friend’s strength and constancy and trust were always there for him, would always be there for him? Suddenly, being cocooned together in this wide bed, sharing that warmth, seemed the most natural thing in the universe.

Perhaps most male friends didn’t share beds, but weren’t they so much more than just friends? Didn’t what they share preclude the need for distance between them? Without another thought, Kirk decided that it did.

He continued to watch the play of dust across the window, until slowly his eyes began to slip closed.

~~~~~

When Kirk woke the next morning, the naturalness of their situation, and the total lack of awkwardness between them, only added to Kirk’s conclusion that there was really nothing they could do together that could be considered inappropriate, much less wrong. Their relationship was stronger, _better_ than that.

His contentment lasted through breakfast and the twenty minutes they spent cooling their heels in the court’s outer office. Once allowed into the room where the hearing would take place, even the ten minutes it took before anyone else made an appearance couldn’t dampen his spirits—though he could have done without the image of Janice Lester glaring at him from the table’s central computer screens. At least it was just her image; he’d worried that she would be allowed to attend the hearing.

The doctors finally having arrived, they all took a seat, with Dr. Steven Carmichael, McCoy’s friend, at the head of the table. The chairs to each side of him were taken by the other two doctors, so Kirk motioned Spock to the other end of the table.

Carmichael made the introductions all around and then got down to business. He gave a short but informative overview of what had transpired to bring Janice Lester to this state and what had been done since. Seated to his right, a Dr. Lewis Ayres then gave his opinion, based on the reports they’d filed and the depositions that had been taken from Lester, regarding her condition. It seemed to Kirk that, while seemingly better, the woman had a long way to go.

His relief abruptly collapsed when Dr. Willis, Lester’s personal doctor, began to speak. Though Kirk wasn’t completely sure of some of the technical jargon Willis was spewing, he understood the gist of what the doctor was trying to say.

“...in conclusion, Dr. Lester has made remarkable strides in the two months of her confinement. Her demeanor is calm and reasonable, and she no longer shows signs of the psychosis which plagued her during her tenure on Camus Two and her time aboard the _Enterprise._ It is my belief that there should be a loosening of her confinement, visitation privileges conferred at the very least.” Dr. Willis finished his remarks and rested his clasped hands on the table. A thin, rather severe looking man, he appeared sure of his conclusions.

“What medication is Dr. Lester currently being prescribed?” Dr. Ayres asked.

“MGR2. It’s been used successfully in even more extreme cases than Dr. Lester’s, with very good results.”

“Where have I heard that name before?” Kirk leaned over and whispered to Spock.

“It is the same medication used on Garth of Izor.”

Kirk nodded, remembering the remarkable change the medication had made in the man. But Garth’s illness had been brought on by brain trauma; Janice’s problems had started years before and stemmed from completely different circumstances. “Excuse me,” he broke in, directing his question to Dr. Willis, “I’m confused. The medication you’ve mentioned was used on a patient whose psychosis was caused by brain damage. How would that help Dr. Lester?”

“By targeting the same synapses that have caused the psychosis, which it does quite effectively, whether the cause was physical injury or a chemical imbalance.”

“Are you telling me that Janice Lester killed all those people because of a chemical imbalance?” Kirk asked.

“All mental illness is, in essence, an imbalance of the chemical makeup of the brain.”

“But mental illness isn’t the only reason people kill.”

“No, it’s not, which is the main reason for this hearing. But I am of the opinion that Dr. Lester did kill due to mental illness. That illness has now been effectively dealt with.”

“So this medication will ensure that she never kills again?”

“Nothing can guarantee that,” Dr. Carmichael said.

“Which is why we asked you here, Captain Kirk,” Willis added. “If anyone can tell us what was truly going on in her mind, it would be you and your first officer.”

Kirk exchanged a look with Spock. From his expression, Spock was just as mystified by that statement as he was.

“We’re more than willing to help, but I don’t understand what it is you think we know.”

“Didn’t you join your mind to hers, Mr. Spock?” Willis turned his attention to the Vulcan.

“No, I did not.”

“Wait a minute.” Carmichael pulled up the report from Starfleet. “It states here that you did, while she was confined in your ship’s brig.”

“Janice Lester’s body was, indeed, confined to the brig, but it was with the mind of Captain Kirk with which I melded.”

“How would you know it was the captain’s mind? Couldn’t it have just as well been Janice Lester pretending to be Kirk?” Willis asked.

“Each person’s mind has its own unique signature, a resonance if you will, that is impossible to fake. Also, I have melded with the captain several times in the past. I know his mind well. There is no way that I would not know it.”

“I didn’t realize that you and your captain were so close.” Willis gave him a jaundiced look. “Still, a machine that will exchange one person’s mind with another? I have studied the human mind for over thirty years. I’ve never heard of anything like that being even remotely possible.”

“I’m here to tell you that it is, and I know that because it happened to me,” Kirk shot back.

“So you say, but visual recordings of the incident show Mr. Spock guiding Dr. Lester out of the brig and holding her hand. Why in the world would he see fit to hold _your_ hand?”

“The relationship that exists between Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock is not what’s under discussion,” Carmichael interjected. “Starfleet has accepted their statements as fact; I see no reason to do otherwise.”

“What—”

Willis cut Kirk off before he could continue. “If you did trade minds with Dr. Lester, you must have seen something of her thoughts.”

“No, it was...” Kirk hesitated. He’d never given much thought to those few seconds as their minds had passed each other. “I don’t remember exactly what happened. Somehow, she had set the machine so that she was always in control. I remember walking up to it, wondering what it was. The next thing I knew, I was lying down and looking up at myself. 

“When I woke up again, I was in sickbay, but then I was sedated, so those memories aren’t clear. It was only later that I realized what had happened. There were vague images of being... pulled from my body, as if I was being stretched all out of shape to fit a different reality.

“Afterwards, when the transference was broken, it all happened much faster. One second I was in Janice’s body, trying to stop Dr. Colman from injecting me with whatever was in the syringe, the next I was myself again. So, to answer your question, no, I never did see anything of her thoughts.”

“So you don’t know why she did what she did? Why she would go to such extremes to get the body of starship captain?”

“Oh, I know why. She spelled that out clearly enough when I first got to the planet. She still resented me being given a starship, for earning something she wanted but lacked the temperament for.”

“You knew her before?” Dr. Ayres asked.

“Yes, I did, when we were both at Starfleet Academy.”

“That isn’t in the report.”

“No.” Kirk shook his head. “I didn’t consider it relevant.”

“Considering what transpired, it may well be very relevant,” Ayres said. “How would you describe your relationship with her at the Academy?”

Kirk didn’t see the point. She’d wanted to take his place as a starship captain. Why she’d done it didn’t matter; what mattered is what she’d done to achieve her goal. The people she’d killed wouldn’t have cared why; it certainly wouldn’t bring them back. “We... dated for about a year.”

“There were no thoughts of marriage?”

”No,” Kirk responded. “Our relationship was somewhat rocky.”

“It what way?” Dr. Carmichael interjected.

“Like I said, she resented the fact that I was on track for a command position. After awhile, we couldn’t carry on a conversation without it degenerating into an argument. Some of them,” he hesitated, “were pretty bad. Finally, I had to leave. We would have ended up killing each other.”

“I wonder,” Ayres looked from Kirk to his fellow doctors. “We’ve been assuming that Kirk was just an unfortunate victim of circumstance. But I’ll bet if we were to re-interview Arthur Coleman, we might find that she had somehow managed to make sure it was Captain Kirk’s ship that answered her distress signal. That speaks of a great deal of planning. Everything that happened would have to happen at a specific time with little room for error.”

“I suppose.” Kirk mulled it over. “But Camus Two was in our patrol area. It would have made sense to expect me to be the one to show up.”

“But how would she have known that? No, I find it next to impossible to believe that she hadn’t started planning this as soon as she’d found that machine, which could have been anytime within the previous nine months.”

“It sounds as if you believe she should remain incarcerated,” Dr. Carmichael commented.

“That’s certainly my first inclination. If she isn’t completely cured,” Ayres shook his head. “I can’t imagine the havoc that woman could create.”

“I’m not saying that she should go free, but she has made great strides in her therapy. Allowing her some freedom would be the logical next step.” Ayres turned to Dr. Carmichael. “What do you think, Steven?”

“Truthfully, I’m no longer sure. Captain Kirk’s statement, especially, has shed new light on Dr. Lester’s actions. Perhaps all three of us need to take some time to really think about this new information before making a decision.” Carmichael gathered up the report discs. “We’ll re-adjourn at ten hundred hours tomorrow morning. We can vote on it then.” He looked at Kirk. “We appreciate your cooperation, Captain, but I realize this hasn’t been easy for you, so there’s really no need for you or your first officer to attend tomorrow’s meeting.”

“I’d like to, if you don’t mind.”

“Very well.” Carmichael stood up. “Gentlemen, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Kirk waited until the room had cleared before rising, Spock at his side. “Come on, I think I need a drink.” He looked at Lester’s image again. “Make that two.”

~~~~~

It turned out a drink wasn’t necessary. By the time they’d exited the building and walked the distance that brought them to a large food court, Kirk had calmed down. They grabbed lunch instead, and then returned to their hotel room to wait out the two hours before they were expected at Commodore Potter’s residence.

Knowing they would probably be late in returning, Spock took the time to meditate, while Kirk finished the article he’d been reading the next before. A few minutes to freshen up, and they were out the door.

Kirk enjoyed the walk to the commodore’s house; the constant temperature of the base and the profusion of plants throughout made it feel like early spring. And as each base had its own unique layout, their conversation was peppered with sly observations and amusing comments on the esthetics of the place. It was the kind of conversation Kirk could rarely have with anyone but Spock.

By the time they reached Potter’s door, Kirk’s mood was jovial and he almost wished that he and Spock could continue walking. Instead, he rang the doorbell and waited until he heard the sound of someone approaching from within. The door opened.

“Right on time,” Potter remarked as he ushered them in. “Some things never change.”

“David has a reputation for being perpetually late,” Kirk said.

“And well deserved.” Potter smiled. “It’s good to see you again, Jim.”

“Same here.” And it was. Dave Potter was teaching at the Academy during Kirk’s last year there. Though not that much older, he had been an excellent teacher and had actively encouraged debate in his classes. The two had quickly become good friends. Kirk motioned toward Spock. “This is my first officer, Mr. Spock.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Spock. I’ve heard some amazing things about you—and your captain, of course.” He winked at Kirk.

“The pleasure is mine, Commodore.”

Kirk looked around. “Where’s Dina?”

“She’s out back. We thought we’d have a couple of drinks before dinner.”

As Kirk and Spock were led through the small but attractive dwelling, Kirk wondered at Potter’s terminology. Homes on the base had no ‘out.’ When they were directed through a set of French doors, he had his answer and he couldn’t help but stare.

What Potter had described as ‘out back,’ was, in reality, a large room that had been furnished to duplicate the look of a back yard. The floor was a mosaic of brick, with lawn furniture strategically placed throughout the area. To one side, a pool was backlit by a string of lights that haloed a small waterfall. Behind all this, a wall of transparent aluminum separated the room from the real outdoors.

“Fascinating.”

“I certainly have to agree,” Kirk said.

“Amazing, isn’t it?” Potter asked as he walked out to where his wife was rising from her chair.

“Jim Kirk, it’s been too long.” The woman approached Kirk with open arms.

“Hello, Dina.” He hugged her and then pulled back to study her face. “You haven’t aged a day.”

“Still the same Jim Kirk—and this must be your Mr. Spock.” She turned and smiled at Spock. “I have to admit, my curiosity was killing me.”

“Indeed?” Spock responded.

Potter laughed. He motioned them toward the chairs that circled a fire pit while he went over to the bar set against the inner wall. “It is hard to imagine how anyone could put up with Jim twenty-four seven.” He lifted a carafe filled with a dark maroon liquid; chunks of ice bobbed on its surface. “Drink, you two?”

“Hey, I’m not that bad, and, yes, I’ll have one,” Kirk said.

“Oh, come on, I remember how you were on the _Republic._ You gave one hundred percent while on duty, but watch out once your shift was up. What do you say, Mr. Spock?” Dina asked.

“I have found Captain Kirk to be an exemplary officer who I am pleased to serve under—and I, also, would appreciate a glass,” he added in response to Potter’s question.

Potter brought them their glasses and then sat next to his wife. “Right, as your captain, but what about the rest of the time?”

“Rest of the time?” Spock asked.

“When you’re off duty or on shore leave. Some of the stories Dina’s told me...” Potter shook his head and chuckled. “Definitely not the boy I remembered from the Academy.”

Kirk grimaced. “I wasn’t any worse than anyone else—and a lot better than some.”

“The captain has been known to... ‘cut loose,’ I believe is the expression, but never on the ship, and since I prefer to remain on the ship for most shore leaves, I have, fortunately, never been a witness to any of his more aberrant behavior.”

“You don’t go with him on shore leave?” Dina asked.

At Spock’s pronouncement, Kirk had looked at Spock in surprise. Spock rarely teased him when they weren’t alone, yet he knew that’s exactly what Spock was doing. Well, two could play that game. “Would you believe it, I couldn’t even get him to go bar hopping with me on Argelius when the rest of the crew was indisposed. Now tell me, what kind of first officer is that?”

“Well, I don’t blame him! Why would you want to go to one of those establishments, anyway?” Dina gave him a mock disgusted look. “Men! You never change.”

“Don’t include me in that. I can’t remember the last time I’ve gone bar hopping,” Potter said. “Sad state of affairs, isn’t it Jim? When a man can’t let go whenever he wants—not that I want to,” he added with a wink toward his wife. “But you seemed to have settled into it without a problem.”

“The ship takes a lot of my time, but when I need to relax, I do,” Kirk said. “Spock makes sure of that, and he has my ship’s doctor as an ally—at least as far as that goes. But enough about me, how have you two been getting by?”

“I can’t complain, especially since I got this posting. I’m hoping it’ll be for awhile, though. Both Dina and I are tired of moving around.”

Kirk’s gaze traveled around the room. “You certainly have a lovely place. And that view...” He motioned toward the outer wall.

“David loved it right away, but it took me awhile to get used to,” Dina said. “It was sort of eerie, looking out at all that emptiness.”

“It is quite impressive,” Spock said.

“I remember you saying that in the room,” Kirk said and then turned to the Potters. “Our hotel room has an outer wall window.”

“I find it reminiscent of the view from one of Vulcan’s escarpments. Because of its elevation, there is little vegetation. Yet it has the same beauty as this,” Spock nodded his head toward the vista on the other side of the glass.

“You don’t think it looks lonely?” Dina looked out. “It doesn’t bother me anymore, but at the beginning I remember getting this terrible feeling of loneliness, especially if I was out here by myself.” She shrugged. “It wasn’t so much being alone, as feeling _lonely._ Does that make sense?”

“I think it does. A person can be alone, but still have the sense of being part of something, having a connection to others. Conversely, you can be in a room full of people, and still be lonely,” Kirk said.

Dina smiled. “But none of us have to worry about that anymore, do we?”

Kirk gave her a puzzled look, but before he could respond the conversation suddenly turned to the upcoming elections for the Federation Council. Engrossed in their lively discussion, he forgot about it.

Dinner was great, the food delicious and plentiful. Kirk would have liked to stay longer, but he knew they’d need to be up early. As it was, it was well past midnight by the time they were saying their goodbyes. David had pulled Spock over for a closer look at the artwork that graced the front room wall when Kirk recalled what Dina had said.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked her as they stood just inside the open door.

“Sure.”

“What did you mean earlier, about none of having to worry about being lonely anymore?”

“That none of us are alone anymore.” She looked at him, clearly puzzled. “What did you think I meant?”

She wasn’t the only one puzzled. “Not alone, as in a relationship?”

“Exactly.” She covered her mouth with her hand for a moment, obviously flustered. “It’s not a secret is it? I’ve heard how private Vulcans can be.”

“Dina.” Kirk placed his hands on her shoulders. “There isn’t—” He stopped. He couldn’t lie. There was something between him and Spock, just not what she thought there was. He needed to think about this. “There isn’t a problem, so stop worrying. I really enjoyed spending the evening with you and David. Let’s not let it be so long until the next time.”

“Oh, I agree. And Jim,” she touched his arm as he turned to join Spock. “Make sure you bring along your lovely Mr. Spock.”

He smiled. “I’ll do that.”

Kirk was quiet as he and Spock walked back to the hotel. Spock didn’t seem to mind; their need for constant conversation was long past. Kirk looked at his companion and let the comfort he found with this man settle over him.

~~~~~

“Are you all right, Captain?”

Kirk was startled into stopping the tapping of his stylus onto the table top. He smiled wryly. “Sorry, I just want this to be over with.”

Spock looked at the three doctors who sat at the head of the table. “They do seem to be taking an inordinate time starting the meeting.”

“They must have already come to decision, don’t you think?”

“One would assume.”

The sound of the door opening drew both their attentions. Two men, obviously not doctors, walked in and sat down at the table.

“It seems we can finally get started,” Carmichael said.

“We’re sorry for the hold up, Doctor,” one of the men said. “But our meeting with our client was delayed.”

“Very well.” Carmichael glanced down at the report lying on the desk in front of him. “After going over all the evidence presented, the reports made by Captain Kirk, Commander Spock, and the ship’s chief medical officer, Dr. Leonard McCoy, the statements of Arthur Coleman and those of Dr. Lester, herself, as well as the information obtained regarding Dr. Lester’s formative years, we have come to a decision. Giving special attention to her behavior in young adulthood and to what transpired on the _Enterprise,_ we believe that Miss Lester’s behavior was not the product of a physical injury, illness, or chemical imbalance of the brain, but is a personality disorder of long duration, most likely originating during late adolescence.

“Her murder of the team of scientists on Camus II, her attempt to appropriate the physical form of Captain Kirk and, when that appeared to be failing, her plans to bring about his death, were all done with meticulous forethought. These, we feel, were the deeds of a woman perfectly in control of her actions.

“Because of this, we cannot approve the request to allow a reduction in her confinement. Indeed, we feel that society as a whole would be best served by her incarceration on Elba Two. Our finding will be forwarded to the Surgeon General’s office for final disposition, at which time she could very well be remanded for trial. Until then, she will remain in restricted confinement at these facilities.”

“We’ll fight this, you know,” one of the lawyers said.

“That’s your prerogative. But I seriously doubt that any reputable psychiatrist having access to this report could come to any other conclusion. If that is all, gentlemen,” Carmichael’s gaze swept the room. “This meeting is adjourned.”

They all stood and began to clear the room. Letting everyone pass, Carmichael waited at the door until Kirk and Spock had made their way over.

“Could I have a word with you, gentlemen?”

“Of course, Doctor. What can we do for you?”

“I just wanted to apologize for wasting your time. I really had hoped you’d be able to shed some light on what she was thinking.”

“I’m just sorry we couldn’t be of any help,” Kirk responded.

“You were more helpful than you know. Without your description of your relationship with her during your time at the Academy, we never would have delved more deeply into her life. Without having done that, some may have continued to think that she could somehow be cured. Not everyone can.”

“It just seems such a waste. Her life could have been so very different.”

Carmichael looked at him curiously. “I’m amazed at how forgiving you’re being. If she had succeeded, you could have ended your days in a mental institution.”

Kirk shook his head. “Mr. Spock knew who I was. One way or the other, we’d have found a way to get the truth out.”

“Yes, I suppose your liaison came in quite handy. You’re extremely lucky that Dr. Lester wasn’t aware of it.”

Kirk regarded him quizzically. “Liaison?”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure if you two were bonded yet. I meant no offense.”

More surprised than shocked, he slowly shook his head before responding. “No, um, we’re not bonded.”

“When I talked to Leonard, he didn’t mention it so I thought perhaps you weren’t.”

“Leonard. You mean Leonard McCoy.”

“Of course. When I asked about what had transpired, he seemed very concerned about how this might have affected the two of you, your relationship. Having your mind ripped from its body would have had to affect anyone you were bonded to. But it seems as if there were no ill effects.” He nodded to Spock and shook Kirk’s hand. “I better get started on my rounds. It was good meeting you, gentlemen.”

Kirk watched the man walk away; as much as he wanted to see the look on Spock’s face, he found that he couldn’t work up the courage. Instead, he gave a terse, ‘Come on, Spock,” and exited the room.

~~~~~

Their walk back to their hotel room was made in silence, but with nothing of the comfort of the night before. After the little bomb shell Carmichael had dropped, how could there be? Kirk wondered. He and Spock... lovers. And apparently a lot of people thought so, Bones included. Where the hell had they all gotten that idea?

And Spock, what must he be thinking of all this? He could feel the tension radiating off his friend and could well imagine. By the time they finally reached the hotel, Kirk was ready to jump out of his skin. Giving some half-ass excuse about wanting to relax and, still not looking Spock’s way, Kirk headed for the bar.

There weren’t a lot of customers; most people didn’t start drinking this early in the day, but there were enough that Kirk decided on a booth near the back of the room. He flagged down the waitress and ordered a scotch. He had a lot of thinking to do.

While he waited for his drink, he watched the rest of the patrons. There was a small party off to his left, probably conventioneers by the look of them. People didn’t usually go around wearing name tags. At the bar, a young couple appeared in the middle of an argument. There was no loud shouting, but even from here Kirk could see the stiff set of their bodies.

The waitress brought his drink and he took a sip before continuing his survey. His gaze traveled away from the bar to the three women who sat at a nearby table. Out of habit, he focused in on them.

They were all attractive, though in varying degrees. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead. Something for everyone, he thought with not a bit of irony. But they appeared to be having a good time together. He’d lay odds that none of them were on the prowl.

Which was good because neither was he, though he thought that if he was of the mind, he would have picked the redhead. She seemed the most outgoing of the three, something about the way she threw back her head when she laughed. She’d probably be a lot of fun. No strings, just a good time. But he wasn’t on the prowl, and, it suddenly occurred to him, he hadn’t been for awhile.

He frowned and took another drink. As McCoy had most succinctly put it, going through what he’d been through could put a man off women for life, but this change in him had started months before then. He couldn’t say to the second or even the day, but it had slowly dawned on him that he preferred the company of his first officer over just about anyone else’s—including that of a woman.

Why shouldn’t he? He could relax and just be himself with Spock. Spock knew his flaws and didn’t hold them against him. Just the opposite, Spock understood that those flaws were just as much of his character, contributed just as much in making him the man he was, as any of his more worthy characteristics. And for all the ways that he and Spock were different, there were twice as many where they were the same. He’d never had a better friend.

But was that all Spock was to him? A lot of people seem to think otherwise. He tried to imagine what they saw when they looked at him and Spock. A rapport that was so strong they seemed to read each other’s minds, a desire to protect and keep safe so strong that they had both risked their careers and their lives for each other more times than he could count. A human’s need to touch allowed, no, encouraged, by a Vulcan.

Suddenly, the physical reactions he’d been having toward Spock all made perfect sense: the warmth just from watching his friend, the desire to touch, the rush of arousal at the most inopportune times, quickly dealt with and then ignored. They all pointed to an inescapable conclusion.

Kirk placed his elbows on the table and cradled his head in his hands. No wonder. It may have taken someone, well, lots of someones, to make that perfectly clear, but he wasn’t the type to run from the truth. You couldn’t, anyway. One way or the other, it has this nasty habit of catching up with you. And it wasn’t as if the signs hadn’t been there for months; now that Kirk’s eyes had been opened, he understood perfectly how people could have believed what they believed.

So what were his options? He could ignore it, pretend they hadn’t heard what they’d heard. He wasn’t crazy about that particular option. For one thing, he didn’t know if he could actually do it, and, for another, he didn’t know if Spock would allow it. His friend had been just as aware of what Carmichael was saying as he was, and, Kirk was sure, he was probably upstairs right now going over the exact same territory as Kirk was. Ignoring it was out.

Okay, option two. He could pretend that everyone was mistaken, have a big laugh over how they could all be so wrong. He didn’t like that option, either. It would again mean pretending that Spock didn’t mean what he did to him, essentially lying to his friend. He couldn’t do that.

Which left option three. See if Spock felt the same way. Kirk sort of thought he did. People hadn’t just seen something in Kirk; they’d seen it in _them,_ so, they’d talk about it and, somehow, work something out. Kirk didn’t know all there was to know about Vulcan bonding; Spock had been pretty clear about wanting to let that particular subject slide after the debacle on Vulcan. But he knew he loved Spock and he was pretty sure Spock loved him. They’d start with that.

He quickly finished off his drink and stood up. Throwing a handful of credits on the table, he walked out. His steps were a bit unsteady, but perfectly sure.

~~~~~

“Spock?” Kirk hesitated at the door.

“Over here, Jim.”

Kirk entered the sleeping area, encouraged by Spock’s use of his given name. Across the room, Spock sat in one of the chairs. He’d turned it around to face the window and appeared inordinately taken by the sere and blighted landscape.

Turning the other chair around, Kirk sat down and looked out. “I think I have to agree with Dina. It has its own stark beauty, but it’s so barren. Lifeless. Out there you are truly alone.”

“You see that because you come from a place of abundant life, in every imaginable variation. Your species evolved surrounded by the biological diversity of the African savannah; it is embedded in your genes to prefer similar landscapes. So when you are confronted with such as this, you feel the loss.”

“I’d never thought about it before, but I guess you’re right. Humans need contact with other living things.” He turned and looked at his friend. “What do you see when you look out there?”

“I see the long stretch of eternity, its vastness, its aloneness. But because of the Vulcan mind, on Vulcan it is very difficult to be alone, to be completely separate. It is a condition many strive to obtain. What I see is the embodiment of that ideal.” Spock finally looked his way. “In some ways, we are quite different, you and I.”

“And very much the same in others.” Kirk tried to see some sign as to what Spock was thinking at that very minute. He couldn’t. The Vulcan was as locked down as he’d ever seen him. Yet, he hadn’t imagined the warmth in Spock’s voice when he’d first entered. “We’re the same in every way that matters.”

“Are we?”

“I think so. So do a lot of other people. Like David and Don and Dr. Carmichael. And McCoy.”

“McCoy?”

“Yes, and now that I think about it, probably Scotty, too. Hell, probably most of the bridge crew.” He leaned toward his friend. “They all see something that tells them that we’re very much alike. So alike as to be almost the same person. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you, Spock?”

Spock looked away. “I believe so. I only regret that it has caused you so much distress.”

“Why—. Okay, I suppose I deserve that. It did look like I was running away, but that wasn’t it at all. As crazy as this may sound, what people were thinking came as a complete surprise to me. What we have has become such an integral part of my life, I completely missed what exactly it is we do have. But I know now, and distress is far from what it brings me.” He reached across the space that separated them and laid his hand on Spock’s arm. “I may be way off base about this but I don’t think I am. I hope I’m not.”

Spock studied Kirk’s hand for long seconds as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. And for a moment, Kirk felt a frisson of fear. He tightened his hold on his friend. “Am I, Spock?”

The beginnings of a smile lit Spock’s face as he looked up and, reaching over, took Kirk’s hand in his own. “No, you are not.”

Kirk smiled back. “That’s good to hear. So, where do we go from here?” he hesitantly asked.

Spock’s gaze slid over to the bed. “I would not have thought that would be a question you would have the need to ask.”

Kirk pressed his lips together to stifle a grin. “Why, Mr. Spock, are you propositioning me?”

Spock stood and pulled Kirk up so that they were standing only inches apart. “I believe this should make my intentions perfectly clear.”

If Kirk had had time to think about it, he probably would have thought that their first kiss would have been soft, tender, not this hungry plundering of his mouth. He lifted his hands and threaded his fingers through Spock’s hair, eagerly participating.

He was only vaguely aware of Spock’s hands working at his clothes, his own hands returning the favor in an automatic response. Somehow they managed to divest each other of clothes, breaking their kiss only when it became necessary. Their pants were a bit of a problem, until they realized that their boots would have to be removed first. That done, the shock of arousal Kirk felt as his hands skimmed over Spock’s ass almost made him lose his balance. Finally naked, they stumbled over to the bed and fell together in a tangle.

Kirk laughed and pulled Spock closer. Until this moment he hadn’t realized just how much he wanted this—and how long he must have wanted it. Apparently, so had Spock, because he could feel the heat of the Vulcan’s erection against his own.

He maneuvered them over until they were centered on the bed, and then rolling on top of Spock, began a rhythmic onslaught. The Vulcan met him thrust for thrust, the long fingers Kirk had loved watching grasping hold of his buttocks and pulling their bodies tightly together. Kirk brought his mouth down to reconnect with Spock’s. The Vulcan’s taste already an addiction, just as much as the feel of Spock’s body, hot and needy again his, was.

Kirk finally broke the kiss. He used his arms to pull his upper body away, holding himself up on his hands, while continuing the rocking of their bodies. He wanted to see the look on Spock’s face as their cocks, slick with precum, slid against each other. Wanted to see the wanton need and desire as they allowed their bodies full rein.

Kirk could feel himself reaching a point of no return. He tried to hold it back, wanting this to last, but the stimulation of his body was too great. He threw back his head and groaned as his orgasm washed over him, his seed pulsing out between their bodies. He felt Spock surge beneath him, and then the Vulcan’s emissions suffused hot against his belly. Kirk moaned long and loud, and then dropped back down onto Spock’s body. 

They lay like that for a time, both breathing raggedly. Almost reluctantly, Kirk finally rolled off and flopped onto the bed next to Spock. Glancing over, the satiated look on Spock’s face, his hair mussed, made Kirk grin. Truthfully, he didn’t seem to be able to stop.

Without words, and again Kirk marveled at how few there needed to be between them, they got up and headed for the bathroom. The shared shower brought them together again, and after ordering a meal in, they retired for the night.

Kirk couldn’t say how long he’d slept, only that when he woke it was dark out and that Spock was watching him.

“What’s the matter, couldn’t you sleep?” Kirk asked.

Spock had propped himself up on one elbow, his body mere inches from Kirk’s. “I preferred a more pleasant activity.”

“Is that all you’ve been doing? Looking at me?”

“I have also been contemplating our situation.”

“Past, present or future?”

“The present and future are pleasing to consider, it is the past I find my thoughts focused on. I cannot understand how it is that we could not see what apparently everyone around us saw.”

“I think unconsciously we did see it. But I know for myself, I wrote you off as a potential lover almost from the very beginning. You’re a Vulcan male, and while I did a little experimenting as a teenager, I’d pretty much settled on women. And while we’ve talked about just about every subject under the sun at one time or another, except for during your pon farr sex never came up. I guess I assumed you weren’t interested—no matter the signals I was picking up.”

“And I suppose I was misdirected by your unrelenting pursuit of women,” Spock remarked, though there was a definite hint of humor in his words.

“Which, of course, is all over now.”

“Of course.”

“Happy now?”

“Indeed, though I am not looking forward to explaining our new situation to Dr. McCoy.”

“That should prove interesting, considering he thought we were already together. Same with the crew, though as least we don’t have to worry about how they’ll take it. But right now,” Kirk turned to face Spock and slowly ran the fingers of one hand through the soft hairs of Spock’s chest. “I can think of a better way to be using our time.”

Spock pulled him into his arms. “As can I.”

 

Finis

 

 

_If you reveal your secrets to the wind,_  
 _you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees._  
 _Kahlil Gibran, “Sand and Foam” 1926_


End file.
